EMDR for Difficult Childhood Experiences
Does EMDR Work for Difficult Childhood Experiences?
People often tell me that they've heard EMDR is not helpful for chronic early childhood trauma, attachment/parenting wounds, or family experiences like growing up with a very critical or emotionally unregulated parent. They mistakenly believe that EMDR is best used for a single event trauma. The truth is that EMDR is immensely helpful for healing early childhood experiences that may not have been overtly abusive, but that you know were impactful to your sense of safety, security, or identity. Through EMDR processing, you can neutralize pain from the past and restore a sense of who you are with confidence in the present
Some of the most common misunderstandings and questions I get about EMDR and processing difficult childhood experiences are…
Is EMDR is only used for "Big T" trauma?
The word "trauma" usually brings to mind very specific distressing events, like war, an assault, or an accident. These events are definitely traumas, but a traumatic event can be anything that you experienced as overwhelming at the time it happened.
Our brains often freeze up and “forget” how to process experiences that feel extremely overwhelming to us when they happen - our brain will and body will kick into motion to help us survive in the short term, but they can get stuck processing what happened so that it can be stored in a neutral way for the long term. This is why "trauma" is often experienced as a sense of reliving through flashbacks, body sensations, or deeply ingrained negative belief systems over time, long after the traumatic event has ended. Your brain and body are often stuck in "trauma time."
This is certainly true for major "Big T" traumas, but it's also true for chronic and ongoing early childhood experiences like...
Inconsistent parenting
Growing up with emotionally immature or unregulated parents
Being rejected or criticized by a parent consistently
Being treated differently than other family members
Absence of a significant caregiver
Verbal or emotional abuse
Chronic high stress or fear due to instability
These experiences tend to live on, creating overwhelming thoughts and feelings that just feel stuck and persist regardless of how life may change and improve. These experiences can also be very confusing, because they are often considered "normal" patterns in your family that can leave you questioning why they affected you so deeply.
EMDR helps to activate your brain's innate ability to process memories so that they are neutralized and stored in your mind as simply something that happened in the past, without emotional charge or ongoing impact in the present.
Is EMDR still helpful if I can’t identify a specific trauma or event that I want to process?
It is extremely common for people who have experienced chronic "little t" trauma throughout childhood to have difficulty identifying specific memories for processing at the start of therapy. More often there's a general sense of things like...
I struggle with a constant sense of shame
I have chronic high anxiety
I feel like I'm living in survival mode
I never feel good enough
I think something is wrong with me
I have an intense fear of abandonment
I’m a bad person
Everything is my fault
Through a process of exploration we can identify a starting point that begins to chip away at internalized shame, guilt, insecurity, and negative beliefs. The EMDR process provides a map that helps us know where to start first and then where to go next to ultimately get to where you want to be. This process can come with a lot of relief, and a sense of being freed up to "just be myself."
Will EMDR be overwhelming for memories that feel too hard to think about or recall?
To be real, processing past trauma and difficult childhood experiences usually doesn't sound like fun. In fact, it can feel pretty threatening and come with a lot of mixed emotions. It's normal to feel like you know you want to feel better, but you're pretty conflicted about doing the work to get there and possibly feeling bad in the process.
The EMDR protocol provides a way to process trauma or past difficult experiences that is very structured, safe, and contained to prevent reprocessing of traumatic memories from becoming overwhelming. It is always hard to process pain from the past, but EMDR allows the hardest parts to pass by fairly quickly and give way to more neutral or positive feelings and perspectives.
There are also a number of ways EMDR can be adapted to reduce overwhelm in the process. Thorough preparation before starting the reprocessing phase of EMDR helps to build coping, increase distress tolerance, desensitize memories. and provide grounding. We can use alternative protocols built on the same evidence based foundations of EMDR, but in ways that minimize exposure to distressing memories. Extended processing sessions or EMDR Intensives can also allow you to accomplish a lot of therapy in a greatly reduced period of time, eliminating distressing feelings between sessions.
