Anxiety & Performance
I'm exhausted of my anxiety... But I need my anxiety
Maybe you have this internal conflict like so many with anxiety do - a part of you wants to be rid of it for good, but a part of you feels like you need it to be at your best. This can feel so frustrating, the internal battle between needing a break from anxiety, but at the same time fearing what could happen in the absence of anxiety.
So many what-if questions can play on repeat, like...
"What if without my anxiety I lose my drive for success?"
"What if I let go of my anxiety and then I'm not able to stay on top of everything I have to do?"
"What if I don't feel anxious, then let my guard down and get blindsided by something terrible?"
These questions and beliefs are really common for anyone who experiences high functioning anxiety. It can feel confusing for people who so desperately DO NOT want to feel overwhelmed by anxiety anymore, but it makes sense when you understand what's underlying this inner conflict. I find there to be a few reasons that anxiety can persist in spite of wanting desperately to let it go:
Anxiety is self-protective
Anxiety gives a sense of control
Anxiety comes with energy
Anxiety is Self-Protective
For so many people, maintaining a state of hypervigilance, being hyper-alert to their surroundings and the emotions of the people around them, has provided them a sense of safety when their circumstances were chaotic, unpredictable, or frightening in the past. This anxious hypervigilance can persist long after the threat has passed, feeling like a needed and reliable way to keep crisis or disaster at bay.
"I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop."
"If I start to let my guard down and feel good, then something bad will happen."
"I anticipate the worst so I don't get blindsided."
When these thoughts and feelings are present, anxiety can be persistent because it's offering a sense of safety and self-protection that feels scary to let go. If there's trauma anywhere in someone's history, it can skyrocket the self-protective aspect of anxiety.
Anxiety gives a sense of control
Many highly anxious people are also highly successful and driven. It can feel like anxiety is the reason for success, and without it that things will fall apart.
"Without my anxiety, will I be as driven?"
"Without my anxiety, will I be able to plan ahead and keep things under control?"
"Without my anxiety, will my performance suffer and limit my success?"
Anxiety comes with energy
I often hear people express the feeling that their anxiety gives them enough nervous energy, an extra shot of adrenaline, to push through what may otherwise feel impossible to manage.
"If I'm not anxious then how will I do everything I need to do?"
Whatever the specific reason for a reluctance to let go of anxiety, in general many of my clients express the belief that their anxiety is what gives them a competitive edge, it's what helps them perform at a high level.
There are two main thoughts I share in response to this belief...
First, anxiety is connected to the very things we can leverage for healing.
Over more than 20 years specializing in working with anxiety (and being a person who is a little wired up for anxiety myself), I have consistently seen that anxiety is usually just one feature of a certain kind of personality structure. People with high anxiety also tend to be people with high intuition, attunement, analytical thinking, observation, drive, compassion, and deep caring.
I always say that, for all of us, our greatest strengths have a corresponding vulnerability that we have to learn to adapt, and anxiety is just the vulnerability that goes with a certain personality structure that has a lot of other strengths. I have to point out to clients with anxiety that it's likely that those strengths they possess, not their anxiety, that keeps them safe, propels them forward, and keeps them on top of things. It's also those other strengths we can leverage in therapy to to help reduce anxiety and still maintain a high level of performance.
Anxiety is connected to the very things we can leverage for healing
Second, you're not likely to "go off the rails" without anxiety
If anxiety tends to show up alongside a deeply thinking, deeply feeling, deeply caring personality structure, then it's almost laughable to think that the very people who have these qualities will lose control and go the complete opposite direction if they don't have anxiety.
I often ask clients - "if you let go a little bit, do you think you will go off the rails and become a person who doesn't care at all?"
They almost always laugh, because the answer is so obviously, "of course not."
Nonetheless, this realization isn't enough on its own to loosen the hold of anxiety because we can't take something away without putting something else in its place. When anxiety has served a purpose that has felt helpful over time, we have to build up skills and resources that allow you to feel safe, in control, and able to maintain your competitive edge so that anxiety can quiet down and not have to work so hard.
You can quiet anxiety, not have to work so hard, and still maintain your competitive edge
It's entirely possible to reduce anxiety and still perform at a high level because of the person that exists underneath. I see it all the time. The other side of the anxiety coin is a set of strengths that we can leverage to resolve anxiety, which can free you up to experience even more of what you're striving towards without being encumbered by the energy-sucking nature of anxiety.
