The Death of a Dream: Grieving the Life You Thought You’d Have
Therapy & EMDR for Grief & Loss in Colorado Springs
It’s very common for people to come to me at a point of major transition in their lives
They’ve suddenly found themselves at a place where life does not look like they envisioned, planned, or hoped. They may feel a little lost… and a lot disillusioned. A dream they’ve carried over time has died.
Maybe there’s a mismatch personally or professionally. A career path has not materialized, a spouse has not come into the picture, kids have not become a reality, or a financial milestone has remained elusive. Whatever it is, somewhere along the way a long term goal or hope for life has not come to fruition.
A normal response to this is hopelessness. It hasn’t happened and it’s never going to. It can feel like a crushing weight. It can feel like unbearable pain.
But what’s actually happening at this place is normal grief over a significant loss.
You can grieve something that never happened
We often think of grief as being a response to death. But grief can show up in response to many kinds of loss - including the loss of a long-held dream or vision for your life.
It can be hard to recognize because grieving the loss of a dream is abstract. There’s nothing concrete to attach the grief to. You’re grieving something that never existed or happened in reality, but that you imagined, planned for, expected, or deeply hoped would someday be part of your life.
Because of that, it can feel like life has ended up in a dark place, and will always stay that way.
I actually find exactly the opposite.
On the other side of this grief and loss is a lot of new possibility. It’s just a messy process to get there.
Grief can feel like hopelessness
If you know that what’s happening isn’t a new and persistent reality of hopelessness that will never change - that instead, you’re in a process of grief that will shift and evolve - you can lean into it in ways that lead to healing and greater clarity moving forward.
I won’t lie, grief does not feel good. But it is also part of healing.
The unexpected thing about grief is that when you allow yourself to feel it, it changes. Grief comes in waves of emotion, over and over, alternating in no particular order between sadness and pain, anger and it’s not fair, questions about why and how and what would have made it different, guilt and blame, numbness and depression… it’s a lot.
But as you move through those waves of emotion, something begins to shift. Over time, the waves may get smaller. They may come less frequently. And eventually, you realize you feel different.
What happens after the death of a dream?
Once the waves of grief have settled, there’s usually a new sense of perspective and possibility.
I think of this like closing the door on what’s behind you - what’s done is done, and it can no longer be changed. But there is another door in front of you - and on the other side are new dreams and a renewed sense of hope.
You just don’t find that new door by pretending the old dream didn’t matter… you find it by grieving what was lost, allowing yourself to close that chapter, and deciding how you want to move forward.
This process is messy. It is painful. But it is also productive.
I’ve seen people find new dreams and take steps down a different path that took them somewhere far better than they ever thought possible. It’s different - and that difference may always have a tinge of sadness to it - but it is still good.
Life goes on. New dreams take shape. And hope comes back.
If you’re walking through the loss of a dream, you don’t have to do it alone.
