Why Did I Have a Bad Experience With EMDR?
EMDR Therapy in Colorado Springs
Many people wonder why they hear such great things about EMDR, but personally had such a bad experience
In my work providing consultation to EMDR therapists and those completing EMDR Basic Training, this question comes up frequently. - If EMDR is so powerful, then why do so many people say they had a really bad experience with it?
EMDR is by far the most powerful therapeutic approach I have personally experienced, allowing deep resolution that goes beyond just managing symptoms. It can leave experiences that have been carried for many years, or even decades, feeling like simply neutral memories from the past. I’ve sat with many clients who expressed feeling that it changed their life and left them feeling like a different person, a better version of themselves. I get updates from clients years later that their results have lasted over time and helped chart a positive course forward in life.
And yet, EMDR can go wrong. The process requires opening up things that are hard, and that very often have been pushed out of awareness for long periods of time. There’s a reason that certain walls go up following traumatic experiences, and they’re usually for self-protection - if we’re going to try to get through those walls, a high level of care has to be taken to avoid having the experience feel overwhelming or re-traumatizing.
Everyone responds to EMDR differently, and there’s always the possibility that it can kick the dust up, so to speak, on things that have been buried. It can feel worse before it feels better - however, it should never feel like reliving or re-traumatizing, and the periods of heightened emotion should be short-lived in the process.
When people report a bad EMDR experience, I usually find it’s for one of the following reasons…
Insufficient preparation can cause EMDR to feel like “Too Much, Too Soon”
EMDR is an 8-phase process, and the first two phases involve throughly understanding history and what could be at the root of symptoms, building relational safety and positive rapport, and identifying coping skills that can be used to maintain a “window of tolerance” during reprocessing so that emotion stays at a manageable level.
For some people with an acute trauma and overall stability in present-day life, this preparation can be completed pretty quickly. For many, many others, more preparation is needed to provide the foundation that allows us to open trauma safely without it feeling overwhelming. For anyone, EMDR reprocessing of traumatic memories with bilateral movements (eye movements, tapping, or auditory tones) should not be done in the first session before the initial preparation phases have been completed.
If you have a long history of early childhood trauma, or multiple incidents of trauma throughout life, and haven’t done a lot of work already towards resolving these things - beware of anyone who wants to start EMDR right away without thoroughly assessing what’s needed for you to feel prepared.
Undetected dissociation can block effective EMDR processing
One of the most common responses to trauma is dissociation - a mental process that disconnects a person from their feelings, memories, and sometimes sense of self.
The nature of trauma is that it interferes with our brain’s ability to process and store memories in the way it usually knows to do. Several processes happen in the brain and body at the time of a trauma to conserve energy for survival, which means many normal functions shut down. This process can easily lead to dissociating from the experience - after the event is over the dissociation often persists as a self-protective tool for survival.
Trying to open the trauma when dissociation is part of the picture will most often lead to overwhelm, shut-down, and sometimes a sense of being re-traumatized. Dissociation should be identified and addressed before the reprocessing phases of EMDR to avoid having this happen. This is typically done through a simple screening tool and clinical interview so the therapist understands if dissociation is present, and to what degree, before reprocessing trauma.
Protective parts of the self may not be ready
We’re all familiar with the feeling that “a part of me wants to, but a part of me doesn’t.”
This speaks to the way we can have conflicting feelings inside of us about many things - ranging from simple choices like where to go for dinner, to more complex decisions like starting EMDR.
It is especially true that when a trauma has been experienced, there is often a part of you that holds the trauma and related feelings (wound), a part of you that has protected you from having to feel the effects of the trauma over time (protector), and a part of you experiencing day to day life that wants relief (adult self). Usually the “adult self” comes into therapy ready to do EMDR, and we make a plan to target and resolve the “wound” - but the “protector,” who may have spent a long time working really hard to prevent the wound from being opened, might not be on board with this process at all.
It’s important for client and therapist to understand these different parts of self and the feelings they hold, and work with any protective parts before starting EMDR so that the process doesn’t feel threatening or increase internal conflict once it starts.
The wrong targeting plan can bring up unexpected material
The standard EMDR protocol suggests starting with earliest memories first whenever possible. The reason for this is that memories are networked in the brain - so most often current symptoms and triggers are in some way connected to past experiences. When early memories aren’t targeted first, they are likely to come up anyway because they usually “feed” into internal belief systems that can amplify later experiences and traumas - when early, unprocessed memories arise unexpectedly, it can feel very confusing, or even frightening.
There are situations where it makes more sense to start with something more present, even when past trauma exists - like a recent accident or upcoming event that has to be addressed quickly because it’s impacting life right now in a way that makes it hard to move forward. When this is the case, there should be a thorough understanding of ways the past may come up and a plan for how to address it if/when it does.
Questions to Ask When Looking for an EMDR Therapist
All of these potential problems can be largely avoided when client and therapist know to plan for them. As a client, here are questions you can ask when seeking an EMDR provider to advocate for yourself and find someone equipped for your needs:
Do you have training beyond using the standard EMDR protocol? EMDR is a structured protocol that follows a step-by-step process and script. This allows there to be a lot of safety in the process - but it’s also important to know that most people don’t fit neatly into the protocol because people and trauma are complex. Ongoing EMDR training and consultation equips us as therapists to respond to the inevitable complexities that come up during EMDR.
How long have you been doing EMDR? I think it’s a pitfall of the EMDR Basic Training that most people leave it not feeling equipped to fully use it with clients. To do EMDR, therapists must have completed a Basic Training course - to be proficient, additional consultation, training, and experience over time is needed.
How many preparation sessions do you usually do before starting reprocessing? The answer here should really be - “it depends.” It’s hard to say how much preparation is needed without getting a good history and having a thorough intake session. If you have more complex or chronic trauma in your history, expect to spend more time in the preparation phase - weeks or months. If you have a single-event trauma you’re wanting to resolve, you and your therapist may be able to complete the preparation phase more quickly.
How do you handle it if I get overwhelmed in the process? I always say there are “guardrails” we put in place to keep EMDR from feeling overwhelming - it’s helpful for you as the client to know ahead of time what techniques your therapist uses to keep the process safe. It’s also important that a plan to address and calm any overwhelm that may come up during processing is in place before opening up trauma.
With the right preparation and planning, most people can do EMDR successfully and experience the life-changing benefits.
