EMDR Therapy & EMDR Intensives in Colorado Springs
I work with a lot of really wonderful people in my practice. But the vast number of these people who are burdened by the weight of feeling “I’m not good enough” or “There’s something wrong with me” is staggering.
You can have a successful career, people who love you, plenty of evidence that you're capable and competent… and yet, still have this nagging feeling underneath it all: No matter what I do, I'm never good enough. And even when the circumstances of your life indicate otherwise, you may still assume the thought is true.
Even though this might not make sense to the people around you - or even to you - beliefs like I’m not good enough can be surprisingly pervasive and persistent. There are a few reasons why.
You assume the thought to be true
Many people have carried the belief “I’m not good enough” for so long that it has become a part of their identity. They go through life without even questioning it, reading experiences and interactions as validation. They automatically focus on what confirms the belief, while unintentionally - and usually outside of their awareness - minimizing or completely ignoring information that contradicts it.
One way to begin questioning a deeply held belief is to become curious about what happens when it gets activated - not only about what you think, but also about what you feel emotionally and physically.
Emotions like sadness, anger, disappointment, or hurt may be uncomfortable, but when they are primarily about something happening in the present, they are often understandable and in proportion to the situation. A deeply rooted negative belief can feel different. It may come with intense anxiety, shame, hopelessness, or an overwhelming urge to escape or shut down. You may notice a racing heart, tightness in your chest, a sinking feeling in your stomach, or other strong physical sensations.
None of these sensations can tell you with certainty whether a thought is true or false, but they can give you useful information. When your reaction feels much bigger than the situation in front of you, it may be worth asking:
Is all of this about what is happening right now? Sometimes it isn’t.
You assume the thought is about the present
The intensity of I’m not good enough may not actually be explained by whatever is happening today.
A mistake at work, someone being disappointed with you, criticism from a spouse, or feeling excluded can activate something much older. The present situation may be the trigger, but not the source.
Again, your emotions and body sensations can provide some clues. Emotions connected primarily to something happening in the present ordinarily make sense in the context of what is happening and feel manageable, even when they are painful. When something in the present activates unresolved pain from the past, the reaction can feel much more intense, like high anxiety, an overwhelming sense of threat, unbearable emotion, or sometimes images, memories, or sensations connected to earlier experiences.
You might intellectually recognize that making a mistake at work does not mean you are incompetent, for example, while another part of you feels completely convinced that you have failed. The problem isn’t that you haven't come up with a better way to think about what happened, it’s that something much older is getting activated in the present.
And that helps explain why simply trying harder to change your thinking may not be enough.
You assume you can change the thought by just “thinking different”
So many of the people I work with are very good at thinking, analyzing, understanding, and problem-solving. And yet, all of their analysis, insight and understanding does not change the pattern at play. If understanding why you feel this way hasn't made you stop feeling this way, there's a reason for that.
Deeply held negative beliefs that are tied to unresolved past experiences are not simply cognitive. The memories associated with these beliefs can also include images, emotions, physical sensations, and automatic reactions that get activated before you ever have a chance to reason your way through them.
A lot of people recognize that their thoughts are flawed in some way and holding them back, so they try to just think different, only to feel frustrated that it’s a lot of work with little reward. You can intellectually know, I’m competent. I’m successful. People love me. I have evidence that I'm good enough - but still feel fundamentally inadequate. If the belief is tied to earlier experiences and stored emotionally rather than simply being a faulty conclusion, more reassurance, positive thinking, or analyzing may not change it.
This is one reason EMDR therapy can be helpful for deeply rooted negative beliefs.
EMDR Therapy can change negative beliefs at a deeper level
EMDR does not only focus on changing what you consciously think. It works with the different ways difficult experiences can be held in memory, including thoughts, images, emotions, and body sensations.
The goal isn't to convince yourself to believe something positive that isn't true - it's to help your brain process experiences that may still be shaping how you see yourself today. And sometimes, once those experiences have been processed, something interesting happens… the healthier belief doesn't require nearly as much effort.
You don't have to keep talking yourself into I am good enough. It simply starts to feel more true.
